Editor's Blog | Personal Essays by Kristen D. Shepherd

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Either/Or: The Exhausting World of Black and White Thinking When You're Bipolar

Mental HealthNEW

Kristen ShepherdApril 2026

Either/Or: The Exhausting World of Black and White Thinking When You're Bipolar

There is no middle ground in my head. There never has been. You are either the most wonderful person I have ever met, or I am done with you. It wasn't until I got my bipolar diagnosis at 45 that someone finally put a name to it: black and white thinking. Call it what you want — what it actually is, is exhausting.

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The Devil in My Chest: My Life with Anxiety

Mental HealthNEW

Kristen ShepherdMarch 31, 2026

The Devil in My Chest: My Life with Anxiety

I was self-medicating for years, and I didn't even know it. The constant tightness in my chest. The wine. The bong toke. Only for the anxiety to return the moment the haze lifted — only now it was worse. This is my story, and what has actually helped.

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SobrietyNEW

Kristen ShepherdMarch 2026

If I Could Help One Person — Part Six

The People Who Stay (And the Ones Who Don't). Yes, relationships come and go. But there's a version of that truth nobody talks about — the ones that mental health and substance abuse quietly dismantled. The loneliness of sobriety, the friendship I lost after 13 years, and learning that you can't trauma dump forever.

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Joshua Tree — A Magical Place to Heal Your Mind, Body and Soul

MeditationNEW

Kristen ShepherdMarch 30, 2026

Joshua Tree — A Magical Place to Heal Your Mind, Body and Soul

Visiting the Gong Room in Yucca Valley feels like stepping into a pocket of stillness carved out of the desert itself. Sound therapy works on a cellular level, helping shift the nervous system out of stress mode and into a state of restoration. In midlife, this becomes more than relaxation — it's a reset, a recalibration, and a reminder of how good it feels to come home to yourself.

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What 30 Days Without Alcohol Actually Feels Like

SobrietyNEW

Kristen ShepherdMarch 30, 2026

What 30 Days Without Alcohol Actually Feels Like

Thirty days ago, I stepped off a plane in California, sick as a dog and thoroughly hungover. I had just spent seven days in Hawaii drinking and vaping from sunup to sundown. What happened next — to my skin, my mood, my weight, and my grief — surprised me more than I expected.

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Sobriety

Kristen ShepherdMarch 2026

If I Could Help One Person — Part Four

Mental Health and Substance Use Disorder. The Day I Lost Control. Depression and anxiety have been a constant in my life. After losing my father to alcoholism, I began to self-medicate. For nearly twenty years, I was on a one-way path to self-destruction — and I didn't even realize it.

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Sobriety

Kristen ShepherdMarch 2026

If I Could Help One Person — Part Five

Sex and Sobriety: What No One Prepares You For. Mania can be fun — why would you want to control a feeling that makes you feel powerful? I didn't get my bipolar diagnosis until I was 45. What came with it, and what inpatient treatment finally taught me about reclaiming my life.

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Mental Health

Kristen ShepherdMarch 2026

When Surviving Looks Like Fighting Back

Understanding Reactive Abuse — and Why Taylor Frankie Paul's Story Matters. If you have ever found yourself screaming, crying, or saying something cruel to a partner — and then been told that you are the abusive one — you may have experienced reactive abuse. It is one of the most misunderstood dynamics in toxic relationships, and one of the most painful: the moment your abuser finally gets what they have been engineering all along.

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The Place That Gave Me My Life Back: My Time at Harmony Place

Sobriety

Kristen ShepherdMarch 2026

The Place That Gave Me My Life Back: My Time at Harmony Place

In 2019, I checked into Harmony Place in Woodland Hills, California — struggling with both mental health and substance use. What I found there was something I did not expect: I found myself. The counselors were professional and deeply caring. I made lifelong connections and learned tools that I still use every single day.

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Meditation

Kristen ShepherdMarch 2026

Where the World Goes Quiet

A Visit to the BAPS Shri Swaminarayan Mandir in Chino Hills. I did not expect to feel what I felt the first time I drove up to the Mandir. You cannot look at a photo of this place and feel nothing — a palace of pale sandstone and white marble rising out of the Southern California hills like something that belongs to another century. I go when I need to remember what stillness feels like.

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Meditation

Kristen ShepherdMarch 2026

The Place That Taught Me to Be Still

A Visit to the Self-Realization Fellowship Lake Shrine. There is a ten-acre piece of land tucked just off Sunset Boulevard in Pacific Palisades where the noise of Los Angeles simply ceases to exist. I need you to understand that I am not exaggerating. The Lake Shrine stopped me in my tracks the moment I walked through the gate.

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Sobriety

Kristen ShepherdMarch 2026

If I Could Help One Person — Part Three

To be independent or not to be independent, that is the question. I have always been hyper-independent, but I was finally ready to let that go. Bipolar disorder can be so tricky. A lot of clarity comes from looking in hindsight.

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Sobriety

Kristen ShepherdMarch 2026

If I Could Help One Person — Part Two

No one likes to tell you that the path to sobriety and healing is not linear. Sometimes we try, and sometimes we fail. The most important part if you fail, is to get right back on that horse and try again. For the first few years into my own journey, I was very anxious and unstable. I often found isolation to be my only form of comfort.

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Sobriety

Kristen ShepherdMarch 2026

If I Could Help One Person — Part One

I don't know about you, but I found AA to be so intimidating. Everyone so eloquently told their "story." I felt as if I was still living mine. After years of trying to balance a stressful career in corporate America and a toxic relationship, things had come to a breaking point. I now look at my DUI as a blessing that enacted massive change. Today I have 21 days alcohol free and feel better than ever.

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Part Seven Coming Soon

Kristen's next chapter is on its way. Check back soon for Part Seven of the series.